Color Enthusiast

Full Title: Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships
Authors: Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird (of Girl Defined Ministries)
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group/Baker Books
Release Date: May 1, 2018
ISBN-13: 9780801075568
Genres:
Christian Non-Fiction
Christian Living
Target Audience: Christian young women and teen girls (mainly geared towards the single and dating crowd, but may also be beneficial to married women)

Special Features:

Study guides for personal or group study after each chapter

2 sections in the appendix at the back of the book:

- Finding Freedom and Forgiveness from Past Sexual Sin

- 50 Questions to Ask Early in the Relationship

Some tips and lists, including...

- 4 Ways to Bring Femininity into Your Love Life

- 5 Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl

- 3 Must-Have Qualities to Look for in a Future Husband

- 3 Strategies for Pursuing Purity

- What Married Women Want You to Know

And much more!

My Review:

What I liked:

The conversational (and occasionally humorous) writing style. Honestly, the way it was written made me feel like I was getting advice from my older sisters that I never had, which I enjoyed. This style made it easy to read and very relatable for me. They mention their own struggles and a bit of history of their love lives, including stories of being boy-crazy and unwise, which shows that they’re not perfect and that they are still learning how to love like Christ.

I liked how they defined in detail what love and romance looks like in the worldly mainstream society and Hollywood and the lies that we have been conditioned to believe about our love lives, and that they combat those lies with refreshing Biblical truths and their personal advice about femininity, being a help-meet to your future husband, waiting for the man to pursue and to lead, etc. They bring up a lot of convictions that are currently considered highly controversial, even in some Christian communities, which is brave and bold of them, and I really admire and respect that they are not afraid to go against the popular opinions of our time, despite the backlash that they will inevitably receive because of it.

I love all their wonderful tips and strategies for how to navigate different stages of life in relation to love and romance! As a single woman, I especially appreciate their advice about trusting God in my singleness, what to look for in a future husband, what to do if a godly young man pursues, good questions to discuss with him to help us really get to know each other, and how to have an intentional and Christ-centered relationship.

What I didn’t like:

I think that they could have given a lot more Bible passages and complete explanations and context of stories/accounts from the Bible, and then explained what that means for us as Christian women. They did go into detail about the account from Genesis about Adam and Eve, but not much else.

They used parenthetical Bible references quite a bit (i.e. Eph. 5:31), which is fine for a blog, but not for a book, in my opinion. I would have much preferred it if they had put more of the actual verses in the book, because it would have been more convenient, accessible, and impactful, especially for those who are unfamiliar or less familiar with the Bible.

Other things to keep in mind:

The target audience of this book is mainly unmarried women, either single or in the beginning stages of a relationship. There are certainly some chapters and sections that could speak to married women, but the majority of the book speaks to the unmarried crowd. If you’re looking for a Christian book targeted to married women, this isn’t it.

This book should not be used on its own to equip young women for their future marriages. While this book is helpful, it only provides a small piece to the puzzle. There are other books that I highly recommend you read as well: When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice, among other Christian books on singleness, dating/courting, and marriage.

Final Thoughts:

Despite my couple of critiques, I really liked this book overall! It’s another great book from Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird, two Christian sisters (one who is married and one who was single), that focuses on love and romance. (Write more about my overall thoughts of the book, why I gave it a 4 star rating)

My rating:

Full Disclosure: As a member of the book's launch team, I was given the book for free by Baker Books (on behalf of Girl Defined Ministries) in exchange for my honest review. Beyond that, I am not sponsored by or affiliated with Girl Defined Ministries or Baker Books in any way.

Someday, I'd like to write and publish my own Christian book. But right now God has blessed me with an opportunity to do the next best thing: be part of a book launch team!

Photo credit: Wayfarer Photography

Two lovely Christian sisters, Kristen Clark (right) and Bethany Baird (left) of Girl Defined Ministries, are launching their new book, Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships.

I am honestly so excited to read their new book, because these young ladies are absolutely on fire for Christ and are passionate about spreading what the Bible says, not what the world says, about womanhood, relationships, marriage, and the Christian life in general.

I first found these women through their YouTube Channel, Girl Defined. After watching a few of their videos, I found it very refreshing to hear the messages and advice that they were spreading to Christian women, because their viewpoints are Biblical, but are often considered highly controversial, because they deviate so much from what society says about Christianity, femininity, dating relationships, and marriage.

The key point I want to make about Kristen and Bethany and their ministry is that they don't just share their opinions; they share the Truth, what God says in His Word. While some things about the Bible are mysterious and can be interpreted differently, there are many things that are black-and-white, and these ladies point out what the Bible says plainly about God's design and vision for different aspects of Christian women's lives, while giving practical advice for how to live these truths and commands out in daily life.

It is also worth noting that Kristen is married, and Bethany was single while writing Love Defined, just before she recently got into a courting relationship (How's that for God's perfect timing!?). So, these ladies have so much to share from their personal experiences from both single and married perspectives, which I know I personally appreciate, still being single in my mid-20's.

Not only do these gals spread truth from God's Word through videos on YouTube, they have also written a book titled Girl Defined: God's Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity. I'm currently in the middle of reading it, but I am really enjoying it so far, and I expect that their new book will also be a great read.

As a member of the launch team, I get to read a physical copy of Love Defined before it's publishing date, May 1, 2018. I will be posting a full review of the book later this month, so stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, if you'd like to read the entire first chapter of Love Defined for free, pre-order the book (and get some amazing bonuses), and/or sign up for their free 7-day devotional, visit their website here: girldefined.com/lovedefined

If you'd like to learn more about the book from the authors themselves, watch their book trailer below:

Thanks so much for reading this post. I hope that this book will help to encourage you to live fully for Christ in whatever season of life you're in and whatever your relationship status is.

God bless,

~Hayley~

Photo credit: Miriam C.

Earlier this year, I was given the opportunity to be involved in my church's production of Rodgers and Hammerstein's The King and I. To be honest, I wasn't really that interested in this musical initially, which is why I didn't audition or plan to perform in it.

To my surprise, on the same week as the dress rehearsal, my mom volunteered us to do makeup for the play. Despite such short notice and my disinterest in the musical, I thought that doing the makeup would give me more opportunities to socialize, so I willingly took it on.

Despite growing up as a theatre kid for most of my life, I had never legitimately done makeup on another person before, but was determined to learn how to do it. Thankfully, I was helping someone who already had some idea what she was doing, and I have done my own makeup for plays, so the application of stage makeup was certainly not foreign to me.

It wasn't too difficult to pick up, but still, I was nervous and uncomfortable with the idea of applying makeup onto other people. Anxious thoughts crept into my mind: What if I mess up horribly? What if people think I'm incompetent?

But God taught me something through this play: when He calls me to do something, I have no reason to be afraid of it or worry that I can't do it. He will equip me to do His will. I found that when I trusted God with this task I felt led to do, there was less fear.

Of course, my makeup application was not always that great. At least once, someone had to redo makeup I had done on another person, because it didn't look good enough. Contrary to my fearful imaginings, those mistakes did not define me or weigh me down, but pushed me to do better. And, like with most things, I did get better at it with practice.

As shown in the photos in this post (photographed by Miriam, a woman from my church who was also a cast member), I eventually felt confident enough to paint some faces white for the ballet scene, Small House of Uncle Thomas. Fun fact: the makeup crew had only just a few minutes to change the ladies' makeup for this scene, so I even had to do this in a bit of a rush.

God used this musical to teach me that I could do anything He calls me to do, even if it's something I have zero experience with. In addition to that, He used it to help me experience community and help me feel like I truly belong to my church family.

As I've mentioned in other posts, I have been involved in this church in several other ways, including my involvement in two other plays, Fiddler on the Roof and Scrooge: The Musical (see my Thank You Very Much post), and also in praise band, choir, childcare...et cetera, et cetera, et cetera (I had to throw a King and I reference in here somewhere). While I was able to meet people from my church and grow closer with others through those activities, this experience was different.

Photo credit: Miriam C.

In the previous church productions I was involved in, Fiddler (for short) and Scrooge, I only acted in them. Therefore, I was mostly going onstage and into the dressing room, so I tended to hang around the same groups of people. I was so busy making sure I knew my scenes, cues, lines, choreography, and costume changes, that I got into such a narrow routine, but doing only the makeup this time really changed the game for me.

For The King and I, I was always backstage, either doing someone's makeup or hanging out near the dressing rooms and prop tables. Because of this, I got to see pretty much everyone who was involved in this musical, and even crossed paths with the tech crew and security people on occasion.

Before each performance that I volunteered to help with, I would always apply makeup to quite a few actors' and actresses' faces, which gave me time to have one-on-one conversations with them. I got to practice my conversation skills, but I also got to know each person a little bit more, which was very interesting and beautiful.

By the last performance, I had even grown to really enjoy watching and hearing the musical's dialogue and music, due to all the amazing people in the cast (shout out especially to my lovely friend Hannah who played an outstanding Anna) and the bonding that occurred during each performance. Several times, when I wasn't doing someone's makeup, I danced and lip-synced backstage to some of the songs with members of the cast. We made quite a spectacle of ourselves, but in the best way possible.

Most of the cast and crew were also members of my church, so it was great to meet and talk with people I had previously only seen in passing or only knew at a very basic level. Having obtained some new genuine friendships, I went from feeling like a somewhat unknown member of the church to feeling connected, acknowledged, and appreciated at my church, within a matter of just a few weeks.

Further, God had shown me that I could be a light to others, and could serve Him and them by giving of my time, my words, and my actions as I did something as seemingly small as applying makeup. I was given the gift of receiving fellowship with other Christians, but also the gift of giving it.

I was especially hit by the blessing of this when I walked through church on a Sunday morning soon after the play, and exchanged eye contact and greetings with people who hadn't really been on my radar (or vice-versa) before this play. It was (and still is) like a whole new church experience. Even today, I feel at home there more than ever, and more connected with so many kind and fun people.

I won't go into the specifics, but I had previously had some bad experiences with some people from that church and have struggled with social anxiety, so I let myself be withdrawn there for a time. But gradually, despite my continued struggle with social anxiety, God has been helping me become more involved and more social at church. He has shown me that there are many people who will accept me and love me, but that I have to give them opportunities to do so, and I need to first give the love that I would want to receive.

The most important lesson God taught me through The King and I is this: it all starts with my relationship with and love for Him. I must first trust God, the King of kings, with what happens next. When I seek his will above all and surrender my life to Him, He relieves my fear and self-doubt, and works through me for His glory, in amazing and unexpected ways.

Photo credit: Miriam C.

Bible verses related to this topic:

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. - Romans 12:4-8 NIV

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. - 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 NIV

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. - 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 NIV

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10 NIV

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13 NKJV

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. - 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NIV

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. - Hebrews 13:20-21 NIV

If you were a little girl in the 90's or early 2000's, you may have been familiar with American Girl dolls, their books, and their movie adaptations. If not, you definitely missed out.

The characters American Girl created were made to represent different eras of American history. I got three of their historical dolls: Kit Kittredge from 1934 (The Great Depression), Molly McIntire from 1944 (World War II), and Felicity Merriman from 1774 (not long after the Boston Tea Party and just before the start of the Revolutionary War)

Each one was around the age of 10, which is an important and pivotal age, which made these characters become like role models for little girls. These dolls were created to teach young children about history and give them a way to relate to historical characters, while also giving them characters with good values to look up to. Their books were very well written and hard to put down, at least, for me when I was 10.

One of my favorites was Felicity. She was headstrong, brave, and was not afraid to be herself and stand up for what she believed in, even when it was against the norm. She liked riding horses (not side-saddle) and she always wanted to help out her father in his shop, even though those things weren't considered appropriate for females to do at the time.

I always enjoyed reading about the shenanigans she got into, her acts of kindness and bravery, and her passion for horses. I think I wanted to be like her.

Then, Felicity became personified in the movie Felicity: An American Girl Adventure, which came out in 2005. Felicity was played by a young Shailene Woodley, who is now widely known for her more recent roles in the movie adaptations of The Fault in Our Stars and the Divergent series.

Needless to say, I loved the character and I loved Shailene's performance in the movie. She was perfectly spunky and ambitious.

Her dresses were flawless, the horse scenes were so heartwarming, and I loved the tea party scene when she put her cup upside down, delicately placed her spoon on top and said, "I shall take no tea." If you've seen the movie recently, you probably know what I'm talking about. If not, you should watch it, no matter how old you are.

In fact, I liked Felicity so much, that I not only briefly wrote about the movie in my diary, but I also wrote a little acrostic poem about the character. I don't know how old I was when I wrote it because there is no date written on it. I ran across it awhile back in an old keepsake box and I thought it might be interesting to share it with you all. While it is a random and somewhat cheesy poem, I think it's cute.

F is for Follow, she follows her heart
E is for Exciting, she is very exciting
L is for Love, she loves many people
I is for Interesting, she is interesting
C is for Crazy, she has many crazy ideas
I is for Impatient
T is for Teacher, she teaches a horse to let her ride it
Y is for Young

Sadly, in 2011 the Felicity doll was discontinued, along with others, such as Molly and Kirsten, according to American Girl's website.

That said, my memories of playing with Felicity and the other dolls and what their stories meant to me still hold a special place in my heart, despite the fact that I am now in my 20's.

My friend Marie and I used to play with American Girl dolls together. We would sometimes dress them up and do little photo-shoots.

Did you have an American Girl doll? Did you read the books? Did you see the movies? Which character was your favorite and why? How did you feel about the older dolls being discontinued?

For the younger readers, which doll is your favorite right now and why?

If you have your own experiences you'd like to share, I'd love to read about them in the comments. :)

Over the past several years, I have developed a passion for swing dancing.

A few years ago, I wrote two blog posts about how I learned to swing dance and how it changed my life. More recently, when I was assigned an exemplification essay for my college English composition class, I knew that I had to write about my experiences and thoughts about social swing dancing in Denver, specifically at the Mercury Cafe (pictured above).

I thought I would post my essay in this blog, for those who are interested in reading it, whether it be for entertainment or for educational purposes.

Before you read the essay, I recommend that you read my previous blogs about dancing first, in order to get more of the back story to this essay. You can read my first post here, and my second post here.

Now, without further ado, here is my swing dancing essay. I hope you enjoy it!

Dancing Through Life

Swing dancing has been a big part of my life for about eight years, but I recently started going social swing dancing every week at the Mercury Café in Denver. Each time I go, I learn something new. The things I learn help me become a better dancer and a better person. Social swing dancing benefits my life in a variety of ways.

Every week, the instructors at the Mercury Café give a Jitterbug lesson, teaching different steps and dance moves for East Coast Swing, which is danced in pairs to Swing Jazz music, mostly from the 1930’s to the 1950’s. They teach the basics at the beginning of every lesson, but they always teach some new moves that are at a more intermediate or advanced level. During the lesson, everyone starts out practicing the steps by themselves, but are quickly paired with a partner and formed into a circle, with the followers inside of the circle and the leaders on the outside. Throughout the lesson, the leaders are told to rotate to the next girl in the circle to their right. This way, everyone is always dancing with someone new and learning how to do the same move with different people. Near the end of the lesson, the instructors often teach what they call a “trick”, which is usually a more advanced move, such as a dip or an aerial move. It’s challenging, but exciting to learn new moves and new variations of moves I have previously learned. Because I have attended this dance lesson every week for about a month, I am now more motivated at home to practice the dance steps and moves I have learned. It’s a great way to get exercise throughout the week, retain the new information and tips I learned during the dance lesson, and better develop my skill and technique.

After the lesson, the live band starts to play and the social dance begins. At that point, any man can ask any woman to dance, whether it be someone they know or someone they don’t know. By going dancing consistently at the Mercury Café or as the regulars call it, “the Merc”, I have gotten to know several young men who will ask me to dance every week during the social dance portion of the night. Although there are a considerable amount of guys who attend the Merc regularly, there are also guys who only come every now and then or are new to the club. Since there are usually new people there every week, I am asked to dance by men I have never met before. Some may feel a bit uneasy about dancing with strangers, but I find it exciting. Social swing dancing is a great way to meet new people; people from different places, with different backgrounds and dance styles. I have met and danced with people from other states, such as Texas and Washington, and from other countries, such as Brazil and Vietnam, to name a few. In Denver, the social swing dancing scene is so diverse, you never really know who you might meet there or what kind of dance moves they will know how to do. I really enjoy being able to learn a little bit about different people, places, and cultures without leaving my state.

I have also made some new friends through swing dancing. Recently, I was carpooling to the Merc with my friend, Bethany. She had invited her friend, Tiffanie, to come along, whom I had never met before. She and I clicked almost instantly. Since then, she and I have been going dancing every week together, which has helped us become good friends. I am so glad to have met Tiffanie, and to have the shared interest of swing dancing to bring us together.

Before I started regularly going swing dancing socially, I was very shy and reserved. Now, because I have had so much practice meeting new people and engaging in conversation with them, I am much more outgoing and talkative. When talking to others at the club, we have the common interest of dance, which helps get conversations going. I often ask my dance partners about their dance experience or how often they come to the Merc, as well as other questions, such as what they do for a living or whether or not they’re attending school. Practicing being social and making small talk in this setting has helped me become more confident and fully engaged when interacting with others in different social situations.

The thing I find the most thrilling and rewarding about swing dancing is learning how to work as a team and be in sync with someone else. With swing, there are two roles to be played, the leader and the follower. As the follower, I must always be open and flexible to be led and carried along by my partner in whatever direction or move he wants, while making sure not to take charge or anticipate his actions too quickly. Naturally, the leader should lead me clearly and firmly, while also being considerate of me and making sure not to attempt any advanced trick without asking for my permission first. As a couple, we must keep ourselves aware of and connected to each other mentally and physically. If we both play our part to the dance and keep in tune with the other, we can have a fun, enjoyable dance. I often find myself naturally matching the leader’s dance style to make the dance look and feel smooth and harmonious. Once, I danced with a guy named Chris who had a unique style of dancing; he rotated his hips back and forth in a swaying motion, similar to the style of Latin ballroom dances. Although that style is generally not done in swing dancing, it seemed to work well for him, and it was fun to try to match his style.

Along with being aware of my partner’s style, I also have to pay attention and react to several other things when I’m dancing. Leaders let me know what moves they want to do with physical and visual cues, such as turning my back or arms in the direction they want me to go. Most leaders have quite a repertoire of moves, which keeps me on my toes, metaphorically and literally. I never fully know what they’ll do or where they will lead me. As the follower, I have to mentally and physically be ready to do any move at any time, while also maintaining the proper footwork and keeping with the rhythm. Being required to keep track of several things at once has considerably improved my multi-tasking skills and brain function.

Because I am better able to stay alert and process all these things faster and better, I have gained confidence in my ability to follow. Good followers are well appreciated by leaders, and I often get compliments from my partners about my following skills. Whether or not I receive recognition for it, I have naturally become more confident in myself and how I dance because of the improvement and development of my technique and style. It feels great to see how my practice and experience has paid off.

Although it can be easy to become too confident, I am often reminded to be humble and recognize that there is always more I can learn from others. I find myself learning new moves and techniques every time I go swing dancing, from both instructors and dance partners. When I make mistakes or have no idea what I’m doing, I sometimes get constructive criticism and instruction, which I have learned to take well and apply to my dancing. Now, I am better able to appreciate and be inspired by those who are more experienced and skilled than I am.

Not only has swing dancing strengthened my sense of self-confidence, it has also strengthened my body. Any form of dancing is a great way to exercise, but swing dancing is one of the most vigorous dances. Every time I’m asked to dance, I dance constantly for an entire song. During each song, the constant movement and energy gets my heart pumping and blood flowing, working me into a sweat. That level of exertion has helped me become much stronger and healthier, not just when I’m dancing, but in my everyday life.

A very common dance move in swing is the “banana split”, where my partner and I swing our arms wide, while bringing them up and over each other’s heads, which uses different arm muscles that are not often used in the same way in daily life. Similarly, kicks, turns, and spins work a lot of muscles in my legs that I don’t use in the same way outside of dance. Because of this, I have naturally developed the habit of taking time to do stretches before social dancing or dancing at home to avoid pulling or straining muscles.

On a deeper level, going social swing dancing helps me put my anxieties aside, express myself openly, and enjoy life and the people around me. Because of the fun and carefree nature of swing dancing, many dancers at the Mercury Café are often laughing, joking around, and having a good time. Several guys really have fun with their dancing by dressing up in vintage and fancy clothing, like fedoras, “newsie” caps, suspenders, vests, and bowties. One of these guys, Andrew, often shows his carefree side by dancing across the room in a funny way instead of simply walking from one side of the room to the other. Because of this positive, uplifting environment, I feel free to be my quirky self without fear of judgment, and not take life too seriously. When dancing and in other situations, I have learned to laugh off my mistakes and embarrassing moments, and continue having a good time, instead of dwelling on them negatively and letting them ruin my day. Smiling and showing the fun side of myself around others in any situation is the greatest way to put my best foot forward and present myself in the best light.

The life lessons I have learned through dancing have tremendously changed me for the better, as a dancer and as a person. Going out to dance with others on a regular basis has strengthened my body and mind, boosted my confidence and well-being, and developed my social skills. Social swing dancing has benefited my life, on and off the dance floor.

If you'd like to know more about the Mercury Cafe, just visit their website here.

If you're interested, click here to watch a video of me dancing (I'm the one wearing the peach dress).

Image by Tiffanie D./ t_the_bees_knees on Instagram

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Summer

Dancing Through Life